Well, I believe that the correct answer is more like "not me". When I go to bed, I go to bed alone.

Well, been a little while since I last wrote. SO many things I want to write about but I think it best to not talk about them here. I'm feeling run down and tired again. I just don't have any ability to recharge. I get drained physically by working so much. Working full time for my dad, doing deliveries on the weekend, and taking written comm at wtc (formerly wwtc). Being around the house has been basicly an emotional drain. I feel that all I do is give out energy and I have no source to get it back. No one that I can feed off of. I get drained, I get grouchy, and everyone then thinks that I'm mad at them. In a sense, I am. I've been in a situation since the begining of July and possibly earlier and it's been nothing but a drain on me. People have become selfish about things and I really don't have any ability to give, which makes it harder for me to win this battle. The other side has plenty of energy to use. I'm the only one that works 7 days a week, with no breaks. I work 40+ hours; not including school time and homework. I just want it to end, I want everything to end!!! I keep thinking of simply running away from everything and trying to start over. Start a new life from scratch. Would that be as difficult as being where I am now? I'm going to go at try to figure out a way to recharge, or at least, get away from everything for a bit.

Well, I have about 10 minutes before I am to be delivering pizzas. I have a headache and feel both physically & metally drained. My great-uncle passed away on June 16th and had the funeral on the 19th. Later that week, the 22, my father had a mild heart attack around midnight. He was rushed by ambulence to the hospital where he stayed the night and the next day put 3 stints in. One arterie was at 90% blocked and received 2 stints and another was at 30% and put one in for preventative maintance. Thru most of the weekend he had a hard time keeping food down, was having nose bleeds, and or side effects from the drugs. Probably due to him taking a pill that is basicly 'chemo in a pill'. He was to go that next day for tests to see if the cancer is still growing. I didn't hear but I think that got postponed. Have to run. Only a few minutes till work. :-(

I had decided to go lay down in the basement and fell asleep. Beth woke me up and was angry about me being down in the basement. We had a nice long talk about this situation that I have created for myself. I've been a bit self-centered and that I'm not taking everything into consideration. WHat else is new, right? I would like to talk more about it but I think it will have to wait till tomorrow. It is a bit late now and I need to get up for work in about 3-4 hours.

Well, wife made dinner. It was a chicken & pasta dish. It tasted very good and tasted like more. I'm still a little hungry but I'll raid the fridge after a while. I've been sitting here thinking about what I am feeling with all that is playing out around me. I'm feeling jealous and unloved. Wife has been spending all her time with the rommie. Today, wife said they left about 2. They stopped at Perkins around 3:30-4:00ish. They had stopped at the grocery store, Sams club, and I think they stopped at blockbuster. Stopped for gas on the way home. They made it back at 7.

I want to go do something, anything at all, but I don't have anyone to go do anything with. APAC man hasn't been to visit in over a month or 2 and I can't see him because he's working the late shift of like 2pm to 11pm; or something like that. Sitting at my computer, bored out of my mind, and no where to go. I feel trapped. The rommie plays games in the living room, wife watches; or they watch a movie. I have only been asked to do one thing with them, that was to go get chinese with them last Wed. If they start a movie, they could ask if I've like to watch but nope, doesn't happin. After thinking about it, if it did happen, would I want to join them? I just want to escape this madness.

Well, I came home from work to find an empty house. I was all by my self until 7. I was trying to debate if I wanted to be here when they got home or to be off in never-never land. I didn't manage to escape. When they did get home, wife called 'Hi' as they entered and I yelled 'hi' back. Next thing I here is a whisper about she thinks I'm mad. It's about the only thing she seems to care about is if I'm in a mellow mood or if I'm in a mad mood. And she always assumes that I'm mad when a lot of the times I'm not, well not till recent that is. Then the next thing I'm told about is that Charter came to fix the On Demand for the rommie. Beth says that I had it hooked up wrong. Once again, my fault. Being hooked up backwards couldn't have been the whole reason because the splitter was replaced with a new one. Then she asks if I've eaten dinner yer. A little bit of a growl to her voice. I told her no and she headed off into the other room. I'm really starting to hate being around here!

I woke up around 1:30pm today. Started to get my computer hooked up again and to try to start working on it. Beth said that I really need to work on Donna's computer first. So I quick assessed her computer of having a bad power supply (which reminds me, I need to get that ordered). Then I start on my computer. Reformatted the HD, installed the OS and patches. I am still having the random mouse/keyboard lockups. I might have to get myself a new motherboard!!! :-( At around 2:30 I went out and finished mowing the backyard. Came in & continued the work on my computer. I got a lot of napping in today also. I would start the massive patchs downloading, go take a nap, come back to get the next batch going, etc. I had a bowl of spagetti-Os at around 5pm because I had yet to eat anything and I was feeling starved. Beth quized me about that she was going to make us dinner. I said Yes. I knew she was, but I was hungry and didn't want to wait. When she would make it, I would probably be ready to eat some more. Well, sometime around 6-7ish I had finished with all the OS patches. But the lockups where still there. Feeling frustrated I layed down and took another nap till about 9. Beth had yet to start with dinner. I'm hungry so I head to the kitchen and decided to have some toast; small enough to stop some of my hunger but still leave room if she ever decides to start dinner. She was giving me a quizical look when I was waiting for the toast but I didn't say anything. Well, now it's almost 11 and no dinner. Am I to blame for it? Probably. Last Thursday, the toilet backed up on Beth and she started to say about that i had replaced the seal underneth the toilet and it sounded like she was blaming it on that. And so.... it definitly became my crappy weekend from hell!!!

I'm going to be having to use the laptop because of my main computer. I'm not feeling tired because of my napping. I have been bored out of my mind today. I felt that I wanted to go outside to do something to enjoy it but nothing sounded fun and I didn't really know of anyone who wanted to go out and do something. The roomie played video games all afternoon and evening on the PS2 and my wife watched the whole time. Thats still going on in the living room. While I kept myself confined to the computer room and the bedroom. Well, I suppose I might as well try to get some sleep. Sleep is so nice, because it is the only time that I don't have to think! G'Night all.

Well, this turned out to feel like a weekend from hell! I had to deliver pizza on Friday night. Afterwards, I packed up the computer and headed out to the LAN Party. I was lucky I took Tards # with me because the front door was locked. It was about 11:30pm. Called him up & he came down to let me in. I next had to lug my stuff up to the 3rd floor of this warehouse via stairs. I had my computer case, monitor, duffle bag of cds/cables/keyboard/mouse/etc, sleeping bag & pillow. I got to set up next to my co-worker from Pizza Hut. All set up and I turn on the computer to find out that it decided to lo longer work! Windows would try to fire up & just freeze. Safe mode would simply reboot the computer. So, I tried to reinstall windows, no luck. Took another hd and installed windows. Next problem that I can't get rid of is that it randomly locks up the mouse & keyboard, everything else works just fine. I switched the mouse out, no change, swapped keyboards, no change!!! So now I have a computer that I can use for a random time period before it locks out the mouse & keyboard and I have to restart the computer. I really sucks!!!

Well, my co-worker didn't stay long on Friday night and said I could use his computer. He left around 1am, I think. Another co-worker came over to visit and I let him play for a while; while I putzed around with my computer. He left, I played for a tiny bit and headed to bed around 4am. I woke up around 7 and laid there till about 8-8:30am. Got up and poked and prodded my computer some more. Around 9:30, I left and hit the McDonalds for breakfast and hit Shopko for more minutes on my TracFone. Got back around 10:30-11ish. Started playing BF2 on the friends computer and played until around 8:50pm. They did provide brats around 2pm. At 8:50, The coworker that visited last night had gotten sick at work and needed to find someone to work the rest of his close shift. I said that I would. I headed out, changed, went to work. I got done with work at around 12:45am. I headed home, changed, and headed back around 1:15. I arrived and saw that about half the people had gone to bed, a small group was watching a movie on the big screen. So, I sat & watched the rest of the movie. I decided that there really wasn't many playing anyhing, most of them where watching movies on thier computers, so I packed up & headed home. I got home around 2. Started to unpack and realize that the house was empty. As I was finishing unloading the car, they showed up from an "ice cream run." The other bad thing was that they where going to draw for prizes at around 7 according to the schedule of events. I was told that they did that after I had left & that I needed to be there to claim the prize if my tickets where drawn. Everyone was given one ticket with admission, and I bought 3 more tickets for $10. That sucked!!! Well, I got unloaded and after staring at the computer stuff for a bit, I decided to simply head to bed because I wasn't in a good mood and did not want to start working on my computer.

There is sonething that I would like to mention now that I was wanting to mention in my last post but forgot to mention. I have to keep myself trying to remeber that he is her friend and not mine. It was her friend to stay with us. Not for me. I feel that is something that is important to consider and mention. I would get in trouble if I where to forget it. Which would make some of what I am complaining about; more of something I really shouldn't be complaining about.

Well, I'm heading out to that BF2 lan party. If anyone who reads this page wants to contact me, call the cell and I might answer. I would put the percetage of that actually happening to be about 0.001% chance. If you don't know the cell #, call the house and get the cell numebr. :-p

I'm sure I'll let my 0 readers know how it went.

Well, I'm feeling in the mood to complain. It's being similar to Monday. Can't sleep well. I had mentioned that we've had a new roomate. Well, I've been feeling like the third wheel around here now. I feel like I don't belong here. And I feel that I am being treated differtly by both of them then they treat each other. That is somewhat understandable. What is keeping me up is that they are being loud in the other room. Whenever the new guy is sleeping and I manage to get to volume level of normal, I'm reminded to keep my voice down so he can sleep. Do they ever consider keeping their voice down while I'm trying to sleep? Nope. They where busy being loud with laughing & talking on Monday while watching American Dad. I think he's playing some video game right now. They where talking about maybe watching some movie in english or french so they could be watching a movie instead. Another thing that feels off is that they are sitting down to watch a movie, I don't get asked to watch with them. If I actually start to watch a movie with them, I get to start where ever they are in the movie. If Beth walks in, the movie is restarted.

Yesterday was my night of WoW gaming. I came home from school, was asked about going out for dinner. The plan was to go to a chinese buffet. It's around 4. I said sure. They where waiting for his clothing to dry in the dryer so I went out to mow the lawn. I finished about 4:30-4:45. I was told that he's cloths where still drying and it would be just a little more. They where ready to go at 6:50!!! My WoW gaming is at 7, so I told Beth that how about the 2 of them go and bring me back some food. She did not like being told that. I gave in and when to the buffet. We got back around 8. I then got onto WoW, only to find out that 2 of our players where gone. But the 2 that did showed up when out playing and didn't want to go out with me. I'm really thinking of quitting WoW. I signed up so that I could play a game with Chris, but he's hardly been giving me the time of day. No one in our guild wants to help out and because of that WoW has not been much fun or interest to me.

Well, I don't see much of anyone any more. I think the last time we saw Programming Man was around Chrismas time. The last I've seen of Calc Man was shortly after the funeral for his father. Before that was a few years, I think. Haven't seen APAC Man in almost a month now. I just sometimes start to feel like I want out of my life. To make it all go away, but I know it's not that simple.

Well, I'm done with speech class. I took the final and gave my last speech tonight. Yay. Thought I would write about the fact that I got into a fight tonight and lost. I have a fair sized gash on my left side gum area. I also got a small gash in my lower lip on the inside and split my lip apart on the outside. My arch nemesis was.....a sign. Ya heard me right, a sign. I had parked in the county parking across from the Kolmen building. I have the very corner stall next to the exit (right next to the county building). I got out of the car, grabbed my school bag and my sweatshirt and headed to the school. I was looking down to tie the sweatshirt around my waist and ... BOOM... I hit the sign. THe assumption is that I hit my lower lip and as I was pulled down from my momentum that it slid up into my mouth and into my gums... ARG!!!! It hurt alot. I heading into WWTC and went to the bathroom to assess the damange. Thankfully I didn't do anything much to my teeth. I was still able to give my speech afterwards, so I got lucky that it wasn't any worse. And that was my quick little story about my fight with my arch nemesis, the sign!

Another 'lovely' day! Came home from delivery last night and hopped on the computer at around 10. I think it was about 11:30 when Dan called to say that he was going to go get some subs and it would be at 1/2 price and asked if we wanted some. So we all ordered a sub and he & wife stopeed over. We all had our subs, I showed Dan C&C TS and Widgets. He left around 1-ish. Shortly afterwards I headed to bed. I had a hard time falling asleep. It wasn't till after 3-3:30 when I finally fell of to sleep. Work this morning wasn't too bad, was a little late thou. I hooked up cable to the backroom tonight. And I have to start trying to finish my speech for tomorrow. I had best get to work.

Well, Today seemed like a crappy day. Got to bed really late from playing some BF2 with Gareth from work. Woke up to feed the cats and then went back to sleep. Woke up around noon, hopped onto WoW for a bit while I had windows installing on a computer repair. Did patching & such while playing WoW. I was doing this one area that I need a few quests completed but I can't find anyone to help me finish those quests, we always end up doing the other quests that everyone else has and I never get mine done. It was getting close to work and so I left there, took the computer back to the owner, and went to work.

Work was crappy. I've been told that I am supposedly the 2nd slowest closer in the store. #1 is Dan. And I was finding out about that the other guy doesn't like me because he thinks I'm too slow. I try to do all my work and to do it well. If I'm not out on delivery, I'm usually doing dishwashing/stacking. I try to keep at it from start of shift to end of shift. Most of the other drivers have a tendincy to sort of do dishes but don't try to do much until about 1 hour to 1/2 hour before close and then try to rush all the dishes thru the wash. A lot of times the dishes aren't clean. There are bits of sauce & pizza dough still on the pans. I try to keep at washing and I try to make sure they are clean which is obviously making me a little bit slower then they are. I'm keeping at the dishes but they slack off and I'm the bad one.

Well, we have a roomate as of Monday (4-24th). He's using our back porch, we had it set up as a guest bedroom. I think he's from PA. He likes playing RTS so that's a plus.

Well, I tracked down that peeing problem. Last Sunday, I caught Fuji peeing on a cubboard door, I gave hit a smack to stop doing it. Later that day I caught him peeing on the curtain in the living room. So I grabbed him and locked him onto the back porch to keep him isolated while I try to figure out what to do with him. Boy did he hate being locked up back there; now that he's use to being in the house and able to tolerate and be tolerated by our other 2 cats. I had left for a while and when I came back he had managed to get out of the back room. We had a large fan blocking the window from the porch into the computer room. He managed to pull the fan out of the window frame and it crashed to the floor. I had found him laying in bed with the other 2 cats. I also put a litter box up in the dining room to help if that was the problem. Since then he has not pee-ed anywhere upstairs. I think he's still doing it in a spot down stairs but I haven't been able to smell pee in the upper part of the house now. Locking him on the back proch seemed to convince him not to do it. It might still work out.

Well, we've had Fuji since 2/26 now. It's geeting fustrating because One of the cats has been peeing all over the place. Would love any suggestions if anyone knows how to break the habit of peeing all over. I suspect that it's Promie and he is neutered.

Going to be seeing "Whose line is it anyways?" tonight. Hope it will be good. Colin Mochrie & Brad Sherwood will be there. I think we have seats near the very front. It should be good. I always loved watching it on tv.

Well, life's got me down a bit right now. Been having some issues at home and I really don't know how to deal with them. I wish I could maybe talk with someone to help me out but there is no one that I really trust to talk with. And there are many people that I don't want in this conversation. If they heard anything about it, all they would do is try to take over the situation, try to correct it themselves. They wouldn't shut up how to deal with it and basicly none of it would of any help.

There are always 2 sides of every story. That fact causes a lot of problems for many people. Many of us fail to fully understand and to know about the other side of the story. For the last few years, I feel that I have been simply rolling along in neutral. Not having it in drive to go forwards, just simply letting gravity pull me down the hill. Then all of a sudden the car hit a big stone in the road and everything came to a screeching halt. I've been living the last few years simply week by week. Just looking at getting past the week.

Now that I've hit that big stone in the road, I don't know what to do now. I wish I had some friends to talk to but I don't. I've put too much energy into trying to keep friends and finding friends. I'm just too tired to go out of my way for people and none of them doing it for me. No one calls me up to say are you doing anything, want to go do this? Apac Man does try to make a little bit of time for me but that's it. Nobody seems to really care about me. No one really willing to talk with me or spent time with me.

Sometimes I just start to wonder why I bother with life? Marvin is my hero!

Well, haven't taken much time to write on here. A bit has changed since the last time I wrote. We are taking care of a new cat, Fuji. He's slowly making the transition from his old home to our home.

The other main event that has just happened to myself is that I now have chicken pox!!! They suck!! Here I was hoping never to have to deal with chicken pox but I got them. This was spring break for college and I have to spent the last half of it with chicken pox. I'll probably end up missing a few of my classes next week because of it.

Ok, I think I'm going to go do something that may or may not take my mind off of the chicken pox and mayke keep myself from itching them all open.

Well, yesterday I was called by another driver to work his shift yesterday night. I said that I would. I worked till 11pm and then went home. APAC man was over and he was wanting to head downtown. I said I would he would play some pool with me. So we all headed down to the bar. Larry and a few others that normaly are not at the bar. As Mickey said "People seem to be coming out of the woodwork tonight." I shot some pool with APAC man and also with Larry. We where busy discussing WoW. At bar time it was decided that we would all go to "After-bar." Basicly that was going to north-side Bitchen Kitchen for food. We took up 5 or 6 tables. And they were a bit loud, I guess alchohol will do that to a person. Our friend Terry kept trying to get me to smile while I was there. I just had on my usuall straight, monotone face. I informed her that it was all because of the environment. Erin made the comment abotu me not smiling and Terry said that I do smile and that I had smiled alot at APAC man's pool party. I simly don't enjoy a huge group of drunks that are busy screaming into my ears. The one aspect of drunks I don't like is that they become very loud. My wife & I where the last to leave at about 4:30-5ish. I went directly to sleep. I had the usuall wake up call from my 2 cats to feed them at 8am and then I went back to bed. I just woke up and

Well, the holidays are over. Been busy with everything. Fishing man and his gal came back for the weekend. They were having a late Christmas with his family. Had a great time seeing them again. Can't wait for the next visit. I have a new game that Programming man and his brother introduced me to. Beth gave it to me for my borthday. It's a little like settlers but is easier to play, almost. :-) I've been back to school for 2 weeks now. I registered a little late for my classes and did not get into the main class that I needed and will set me back at least a semester. I was hoping for actually graduating a late 10 years after HS. It's hard to believe that I've been out of High School that long.

One of my friends from grade school, Cale Stetter, make the front page of the Holmen Courier last week. He proposed to his girlfriend at HHS. I guess she is one of the math teachers there now. Happy events like that are suppose to cheer oneself up but it made me a bit depressed. How I no longer see or talk to hardly anyone from school. That everyone says they are our friends but are quick to run away form us. Well, with all the bill collectors calling and no one to hang out with, it sucks. And it's always very enlightening to know that everyone seems to be doing better than us. But such is life. For us to sit and the bottom of this well and to have everyone that is looking into the well to be able to laugh at us. Can ya tell that I'm just in a rotten sort of mood. It's not always like this just the last few days. I would love for people to us cheer up but I know your too busy laughing...

Happy Birthday to Me.

Happy Birdthay to Boo.