Well, I haven't had much time to come here and vent about how our lives suck! Then again, we don't seem to have any friends that care. I do know that Mickey is trying to drum up some computer repair business for me but that's about it lately. Andy has vanished into the woodwork for about the last 2-3 months. Really not sure what's all up with him not visiting us. This depression gets to be just one vicious, ugly cycle that just doesn't stop. We have no money so the only people that ever wish to call us are the bill collectors. We don't have any friends that wish to come visit us and try to cheer us up. So then the loneliness kicks in. After a while ya just start to think about 'is my life really worth it?' The people we use to call friends and wish we where still friends with have all gone the other way. I'm having a constant battle inside because of my father. He has a cancer in his lungs but it's not 'lung cancer.' It's more like an asbestos caused cancer. You can find more info about it in my wife's blog entry.

The battle that I speak of is that he wants me to stay in the family business. It's in his will that I will get 49% of the business and my brother will have 51% of the business. But I'm starting to get sick of my brother and would like to get a networking job that could probably pay better with benefits that I might not get thru the business. But it's hard because I don't want to 'break my dad's heart.' It's been bad enough watching him be depressed about his cancer, yet alone for me to get out of the family business. He had come to me during work last week and was asking about my future plans. He was a bit sad when he started realizing that I am hoping to graduate college soon and that I might try to get some job in the field. My guess is that he had gone home that day and cried a bit.

I'm really starting to hate my life... dealing with bill collections and having no money for them, dealing with the stress of full time work (father wanting me in the business and dealing with my brother), dealing with 15 credits of college (which I'm trying to not get too far behind), having people coming to me for computer repairs (which I'm more then happy to deal with), and being basically friendless.

It's hard when you don't have anyone you can vent to. Someone who will listen to everything you have to say and won't be too critical about what you have to say. Someone who will try to cheer you up; to convince you that just beyond these rainy days, there will be glorious sunshine.
Someone who will do things with you to try to get your mind off all your problems. But both my wife and I have no one for that. I just hope that two very depressed people can keep each other's spirits high enough to get thru all of this. Because that is all we have.

I just need to keep telling myself it will get better.