It is so easy to get depressed. And everything in my life just helps to add to that depression. The only thing keeping me from doing anything terrible is myself. I have to keep telling myself that things will get better. I hardly have anybody that wants to talk to me. To say hi. The people that I meet online, pop on say hi for the first time, and then you never hear from them again. Is there just some aura around me that sends everyone that I talk to running in the other direction? My more educated guess is: it's the depression. Happiness causes happiness, sadness causes sadness. My depression gets out subconsciously and people try to stay away from it. Is my life doomed? Is there no hope for me?

Once High School was over, my best friend moved to Boston, MA. I only got to see him when he came home on holidays. He was the best man in my wedding. His younger sister was one of the bridesmaids. A few years ago, we started hanging out with his sister and her friends. She turned to drugs. My wife told her parents while the rest of her friends would not try to help. We got kicked out of the family to help the sister get over the drugs. Since then, I have felt that the family blames us for her drugs. We were trying to help her. Never once did we ever get a "we're sorry" or "your not to be blamed." They stopped talking to us and we stopped talking to them. After about 6 months or so later, she stated talking to us again. We tried to be friends again. That lasted until the latest boyfriend. A bunch of crap hit the fan and helped to knock us out of their lives. My best friend still tries a little bit to see us when he is here, but I've been trying to not see him because of the way I feel when I go to his house. I don't feel very welcomed when I go into that house. It's a feeling like they are saying hello to be polite but really wish to tell you to get lost. I'm not fully sure of what they do or do not blame me for, but I think it's best that I just vanish off the planet from them. Break off my ties with everyone in the family. That way I can't cause any problems. And they sure don't seem to miss us. I guess I cared more about them then they cared about us. We have still been giving Christmas presents to them these last 2 years. The previous year, the family gave us a meat & cheese platter. This last year, they gave us nothing. My old best friend had given us something for previous year and gave me something this last year. My wife was totally left out. Trying to tell us something? I don't know and I think I give up trying to know.

I'm trying my best to get over the loss of my second family. It's probably just as hard as having a death in the family.Just keep telling myself, it can only get better.