It is so easy to get depressed. And everything in my life just helps to add to that depression. The only thing keeping me from doing anything terrible is myself. I have to keep telling myself that things will get better. I hardly have anybody that wants to talk to me. To say hi. The people that I meet online, pop on say hi for the first time, and then you never hear from them again. Is there just some aura around me that sends everyone that I talk to running in the other direction? My more educated guess is: it's the depression. Happiness causes happiness, sadness causes sadness. My depression gets out subconsciously and people try to stay away from it. Is my life doomed? Is there no hope for me?

Once High School was over, my best friend moved to Boston, MA. I only got to see him when he came home on holidays. He was the best man in my wedding. His younger sister was one of the bridesmaids. A few years ago, we started hanging out with his sister and her friends. She turned to drugs. My wife told her parents while the rest of her friends would not try to help. We got kicked out of the family to help the sister get over the drugs. Since then, I have felt that the family blames us for her drugs. We were trying to help her. Never once did we ever get a "we're sorry" or "your not to be blamed." They stopped talking to us and we stopped talking to them. After about 6 months or so later, she stated talking to us again. We tried to be friends again. That lasted until the latest boyfriend. A bunch of crap hit the fan and helped to knock us out of their lives. My best friend still tries a little bit to see us when he is here, but I've been trying to not see him because of the way I feel when I go to his house. I don't feel very welcomed when I go into that house. It's a feeling like they are saying hello to be polite but really wish to tell you to get lost. I'm not fully sure of what they do or do not blame me for, but I think it's best that I just vanish off the planet from them. Break off my ties with everyone in the family. That way I can't cause any problems. And they sure don't seem to miss us. I guess I cared more about them then they cared about us. We have still been giving Christmas presents to them these last 2 years. The previous year, the family gave us a meat & cheese platter. This last year, they gave us nothing. My old best friend had given us something for previous year and gave me something this last year. My wife was totally left out. Trying to tell us something? I don't know and I think I give up trying to know.

I'm trying my best to get over the loss of my second family. It's probably just as hard as having a death in the family.Just keep telling myself, it can only get better.

Hello world. (Great intro isn't it?) Well, I'm done with this semester of class. Yay! I had a good yet bad day. Good that I managed to finish the semester. I had a little bit of free time between my 2 classes today and was talked into going with a few classmates of my first class to hooters. We had some chicken wings and onion rings. Had a blast. If I'm lucky I might see them again, but I doubt it. I never see fellow classmates ever again after the classes are done. The just vanish. They say that they will try to meet up with you later, but it never happens. But it all goes down hill after getting home. My wife has been feeling down because of work. So she has been working on a project. She said she would make dinner tonight but she was too busy so I make it. Then I sat around watching a movie on Disney and then one on HBO for a while until she came in. She hates watching most movies on HBO. So I was nice enough to change the channel to the food network. I then proceeded to come to play a little bit of WoW with Chris. But I finally gave up on that and decided to come and write in here. I join up on WoW so that I could have a game to play with Chris. It's been almost the only game he has been playing. He started playing it from when it was in Beta Testing. He already had a high level character or two by the time I joined. So he had created a character to play along with me that was of the same level as me. He was also our guild leader. But as of late, he never wants to play with me. He's been too busy doing the high level stuff. I've been working to get there but I'm not getting there as fast as I wish. I'm just going to sit in the corner and be in my own little world, sitting all by myself. Just me, myself, and I.

We did go and see the HHGTTG. Good movie. I think that it's probably not as good if you haven't read the book, thou.

On another note, I do care. But I don't think people believe me and will twist things against me. But that is all history and it is probably better left that way. I was surprised that after a link cleaning I had noticed that I was displayed again. Whether it was done at that time or earlier, I hadn't noticed but I think it was at that time. But I think that things should probably stay the way they are now. If I just sit nice and quietly in my corner, I can't do anything wrong to anyone. Makes me think to me at any social party or noisy gathering. I can sit in the corner nice & quite watching everyone and when I'm bored or get myself depressed, I can just stand up and walk out and no one ever notices. And the truth of it all, I have stood up & left. I can only hope that sometime in the future I can find what I use to have back in HS. A small group of friends that I could call or go see whenever I felt like it. But they have all run away and have create a new life for themselves. I keep trying to make a new life for myself but I hit nothing but road blocks. Why does everyone else have success and all I get is failure?

Well, just saying later to my 2 visitors.