Well, I've been feeling a little better now that the school is winding down to the end of the semester. Once school is finished for the semester, I hope to have a little more free time to do nothing. Maybe play a video game or 2, or to acomplish something around the house. Well, it looks like I will only be seeing Programming Man this Christmas. I'm hoping that Fishing Man and his GF will come into town around Christmas to visit. Nuclear Man is planning to have the family at his house in VA for Christmas. It will be the last Christmas that he will be there and sometime next year he will be moving to Chicago. His family from around here will be moving there also.

I've been thinking of write to his sister and saying 'Hi' but I am hesitant to do so. I don't think she is wanting to persue any kind of friendship with us anymore. We have tried to 'help out' too many times. Both my wife & I care about her and hope that she is doing well. I think I will just ' leave the ball in her court' and let her write to say hi only is she is wanting to.

QUOTATION: Who seeks a faultless friend rests friendless
AUTHOR: Proverb

QUOTATION: A friend is someone who knows the song in your heart and can sing it back to you when you have forgotten the words.
AUTHOR: Anonymous

Well, it's getting to be that time again. Starting with Thanksgiving and then moving into Christmas time. The time that makes me start thinking about family & friends. I haven't felt like writing much. I've been keeping very busy with life. I'm working fulltime at my father's tool & die business, I'm going to college full time, doing computer repair, and now part time pizza delivery. I'm working on getting most of my free time to generate income for us.

Nuclear Man sent an email that he would be back in LaCrosse for a few days to visit. I didn't bother trying to get ahold of him because I figured he'd want to spent it all with family. If he had any free time where he wanted to see me, I'm sure he would have called. Wonder if he'll be back for Christmas or not. I really don't know how the family feels about my wife & me anymore. I had cared very much about the family even if they don't care about us.

Haven't seen much of Programming Man, either. I'm thinking that he is becoming more accustomed to his new home and finds less need to return to LaCrosse. I try to get him to play WoW with me or me & Apac Man, but he only finds time for the Thursday Guild Night. Apac Man keeps talking about moving to a new guild because no one seems to want to help out. I was telling Apac Man that maybe we should both join the Sluggy Guild on WoW. Apac Man went with my wife & I to go see the new Harry Potter Movie. Not too bad, just slightly disappointed in the maze. I was waiting to see the..... (read the book!) Why give it away. :-p

I haven't seen Fishing Man in almost 2 to 3 years. Got to meet his woman. He and his woman stopped in on the weekend of Halloween. We all went down to the bar. I went as a pirate. They where planning to visit this weekend but they moved it to Thanksgiving weekend. They are planning to spent a few nights with us. It will be nice to visit with them. Fishing Man told his woman about Worms World Party. They both love the game and they are looking forward to a few rounds of blowing things up. I'm hoping to kick everyone's butt. :-) And we'll be seeing the HP Movie again with them.

Well, I would like to write more but I really need to get to bed. I have to be up early for class in the morning.

How about I leave this closing question for people to reply to: What is one thing that you regret?

Well, I haven't had much time to come here and vent about how our lives suck! Then again, we don't seem to have any friends that care. I do know that Mickey is trying to drum up some computer repair business for me but that's about it lately. Andy has vanished into the woodwork for about the last 2-3 months. Really not sure what's all up with him not visiting us. This depression gets to be just one vicious, ugly cycle that just doesn't stop. We have no money so the only people that ever wish to call us are the bill collectors. We don't have any friends that wish to come visit us and try to cheer us up. So then the loneliness kicks in. After a while ya just start to think about 'is my life really worth it?' The people we use to call friends and wish we where still friends with have all gone the other way. I'm having a constant battle inside because of my father. He has a cancer in his lungs but it's not 'lung cancer.' It's more like an asbestos caused cancer. You can find more info about it in my wife's blog entry.

The battle that I speak of is that he wants me to stay in the family business. It's in his will that I will get 49% of the business and my brother will have 51% of the business. But I'm starting to get sick of my brother and would like to get a networking job that could probably pay better with benefits that I might not get thru the business. But it's hard because I don't want to 'break my dad's heart.' It's been bad enough watching him be depressed about his cancer, yet alone for me to get out of the family business. He had come to me during work last week and was asking about my future plans. He was a bit sad when he started realizing that I am hoping to graduate college soon and that I might try to get some job in the field. My guess is that he had gone home that day and cried a bit.

I'm really starting to hate my life... dealing with bill collections and having no money for them, dealing with the stress of full time work (father wanting me in the business and dealing with my brother), dealing with 15 credits of college (which I'm trying to not get too far behind), having people coming to me for computer repairs (which I'm more then happy to deal with), and being basically friendless.

It's hard when you don't have anyone you can vent to. Someone who will listen to everything you have to say and won't be too critical about what you have to say. Someone who will try to cheer you up; to convince you that just beyond these rainy days, there will be glorious sunshine.
Someone who will do things with you to try to get your mind off all your problems. But both my wife and I have no one for that. I just hope that two very depressed people can keep each other's spirits high enough to get thru all of this. Because that is all we have.

I just need to keep telling myself it will get better.

Well, I think I shall start out by thanking my wife for this very nice blog skin. You can find her links on my links page. She's been a little sad that I have yet to get a post up. Been too busy to write much. Classes started up this week. I'm going to see if school kills me yet! Working full time and going to school full time. 15 credits worth. I'm only on week one and I feel very tired from it.

Life is hard right now. We're just barely making payments on the house, electricity, food, etc. And because people are not getting the money they want, the phone rings all day long. She has now found a part time job to help get some money in. The other thing is that my main friend Andy got his work schedule changed on him. He was working 8-4 and now he's working 2-11 (I think). So, I'm working full time, school full time, broke, and no one to come visit us. All of those just seem to make life suck right now. Depression is so easy.

I think I hit a nerve or something. I seemed to stir things up without really trying. The bookmark thing was just something I had noticed and decided to just mention. The last we spoke around August, I felt that you hated me and I was surprised that it had appeared.

As to everything else, sorry if I'm sounding like making people seem cold. It was all about me feeling like I'm getting a cold shoulder. That was my interpretation of things but I cannot say how everyone else interprets what I write. I write what I want and everyone else can interpret it any way they feel. I can't stop anyone from doing that. I think most of what I write will some how be turned against me by people. They usually do. I think that people have a hard time telling me the truth sometimes. Like when I ask about why someone might be mad at me. I never seem to be able to get a straight answer. Just some vague answer. Like they are afraid tell me what they really are thinking about me. Why can't people just tell me that they hate me to my face. It would just make everything so much easier.

It is so easy to get depressed. And everything in my life just helps to add to that depression. The only thing keeping me from doing anything terrible is myself. I have to keep telling myself that things will get better. I hardly have anybody that wants to talk to me. To say hi. The people that I meet online, pop on say hi for the first time, and then you never hear from them again. Is there just some aura around me that sends everyone that I talk to running in the other direction? My more educated guess is: it's the depression. Happiness causes happiness, sadness causes sadness. My depression gets out subconsciously and people try to stay away from it. Is my life doomed? Is there no hope for me?

Once High School was over, my best friend moved to Boston, MA. I only got to see him when he came home on holidays. He was the best man in my wedding. His younger sister was one of the bridesmaids. A few years ago, we started hanging out with his sister and her friends. She turned to drugs. My wife told her parents while the rest of her friends would not try to help. We got kicked out of the family to help the sister get over the drugs. Since then, I have felt that the family blames us for her drugs. We were trying to help her. Never once did we ever get a "we're sorry" or "your not to be blamed." They stopped talking to us and we stopped talking to them. After about 6 months or so later, she stated talking to us again. We tried to be friends again. That lasted until the latest boyfriend. A bunch of crap hit the fan and helped to knock us out of their lives. My best friend still tries a little bit to see us when he is here, but I've been trying to not see him because of the way I feel when I go to his house. I don't feel very welcomed when I go into that house. It's a feeling like they are saying hello to be polite but really wish to tell you to get lost. I'm not fully sure of what they do or do not blame me for, but I think it's best that I just vanish off the planet from them. Break off my ties with everyone in the family. That way I can't cause any problems. And they sure don't seem to miss us. I guess I cared more about them then they cared about us. We have still been giving Christmas presents to them these last 2 years. The previous year, the family gave us a meat & cheese platter. This last year, they gave us nothing. My old best friend had given us something for previous year and gave me something this last year. My wife was totally left out. Trying to tell us something? I don't know and I think I give up trying to know.

I'm trying my best to get over the loss of my second family. It's probably just as hard as having a death in the family.Just keep telling myself, it can only get better.

Hello world. (Great intro isn't it?) Well, I'm done with this semester of class. Yay! I had a good yet bad day. Good that I managed to finish the semester. I had a little bit of free time between my 2 classes today and was talked into going with a few classmates of my first class to hooters. We had some chicken wings and onion rings. Had a blast. If I'm lucky I might see them again, but I doubt it. I never see fellow classmates ever again after the classes are done. The just vanish. They say that they will try to meet up with you later, but it never happens. But it all goes down hill after getting home. My wife has been feeling down because of work. So she has been working on a project. She said she would make dinner tonight but she was too busy so I make it. Then I sat around watching a movie on Disney and then one on HBO for a while until she came in. She hates watching most movies on HBO. So I was nice enough to change the channel to the food network. I then proceeded to come to play a little bit of WoW with Chris. But I finally gave up on that and decided to come and write in here. I join up on WoW so that I could have a game to play with Chris. It's been almost the only game he has been playing. He started playing it from when it was in Beta Testing. He already had a high level character or two by the time I joined. So he had created a character to play along with me that was of the same level as me. He was also our guild leader. But as of late, he never wants to play with me. He's been too busy doing the high level stuff. I've been working to get there but I'm not getting there as fast as I wish. I'm just going to sit in the corner and be in my own little world, sitting all by myself. Just me, myself, and I.

We did go and see the HHGTTG. Good movie. I think that it's probably not as good if you haven't read the book, thou.

On another note, I do care. But I don't think people believe me and will twist things against me. But that is all history and it is probably better left that way. I was surprised that after a link cleaning I had noticed that I was displayed again. Whether it was done at that time or earlier, I hadn't noticed but I think it was at that time. But I think that things should probably stay the way they are now. If I just sit nice and quietly in my corner, I can't do anything wrong to anyone. Makes me think to me at any social party or noisy gathering. I can sit in the corner nice & quite watching everyone and when I'm bored or get myself depressed, I can just stand up and walk out and no one ever notices. And the truth of it all, I have stood up & left. I can only hope that sometime in the future I can find what I use to have back in HS. A small group of friends that I could call or go see whenever I felt like it. But they have all run away and have create a new life for themselves. I keep trying to make a new life for myself but I hit nothing but road blocks. Why does everyone else have success and all I get is failure?

Well, just saying later to my 2 visitors.

Hello world. Been a while since I've written here. Truthfully, it really doesn't matter whether I write in here or not. No one cares. That has easily been proven. If feels like there are only about 10 or less that care if I'm alive or dead. I've just been in this sort of no-one-cares-about-me mood today. On a still bad note, I need to get my butt moving on finishing 3 big projects for this week of school. Thank god it's almost done for the semester. Tomorrow, we're planning to go and see HHGTTG. Yay! Going to go with Chris and some of his friends. Last night, I got to go for a spin on the go-karts that are at Riverside Amusement Park. They officially opened last night. Well, I might as well try to get started on those projects. Because I know that no one will read this anyways.

I'd like to say see ya later to my 0 visitors.