It is very late for me. I should have been in bed a long time ago. I was playing 'Giants' till about 3am when a strange login name IM'ed me. And I have been having some interesting conversations up till now. And once again I get started at digging into myself. Trying to look at my life. Depressive thoughts start creeping in. I'm asked about friendship. To be truthful, right now I am not feeling that I really have friends. I have 1 that I definitely consider a friend. All others I have questioned. I hope that I am considered a friend to people but the feeling of them not being my friend has been looming over me. Just about everyone has put me on the back burner of the stove & left me there. That I go out of my way for others but they never are willing to go out of their way for me. ARG. I keep wanting to write stuff but I can't. It is impossible for me to write it & then hope that my life would improve for it would not. I'm learning that the only way for things to improve is to just keep my mouth closed. Seems like I'm been causing more problems every time I open it up. Also, I am feeling a lot of what I have already written in past entries. I'm not feeling that I need to write it all over again and again. What good does it do? Things don't change from the first time. Why would they the second & third times? Also, it's not as if many people read this. That just goes back to my lack of friends problem. I just can't win. No one understands me, and if anyone actually does, doesn't want to do anything. Some things just never change. I need to find my pensive so I can have some rest.